The weight of my introversion, the years spent in isolation, took a toll on both my mind and body. The constant battle with depression and PTSD left me feeling drained, as if every ounce of energy had been sucked out of me. It was a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone face the outside world.

The addiction to alcohol served as a temporary escape, a way to numb the pain and silence the racing thoughts in my mind. But it only worsened the situation, deepening the darkness that already consumed me. It became a vicious cycle, a never-ending dance with self-destruction.

The desire to join the Navy and be on a submarine was born out of a desperate longing for purpose and belonging. I believed that the structured environment and camaraderie would help me overcome my introversion and find my place in the world. But the reality of being surrounded by a sea of people, the constant noise and social interactions, proved to be overwhelming.

Unable to cope with the suffocating presence of others, I made the difficult decision to take an unauthorized absence and escape. It was a desperate attempt to regain control over my life, to find solace in solitude. But as the years passed by, the loneliness grew, and the fear of dying alone became an ever-present companion.

That's why practicing the art of writing has become so important to me. It has become a lifeline, a way to express the thoughts and emotions that often feel too heavy to bear. Through writing, I can explore the depths of my soul, unravel the tangled threads of my experiences, and find solace in the solitude of my words.

Writing allows me to communicate and connect with others in a way that feels safe and comfortable. It provides an outlet for self-expression, a means to share my stories, fears, and dreams with the world. It helps me make sense of my past, heal from my wounds, and envision a future where I am not defined by my introversion or haunted by the fear of dying alone.

In the solitude of my writing, I find strength and resilience. It becomes a sanctuary where I can embrace my introversion, celebrate my uniqueness, and find the courage to live authentically. The art of writing has become a powerful tool for self-discovery, self-acceptance, and ultimately, self-empowerment.

So, even though I may be getting older and the fear of dying alone still lingers, I take solace in the fact that through the art of writing, I have found a way to leave a lasting legacy, to share my story and touch the lives of others. And in doing so, I find a glimmer of hope, a flicker of light in the darkness, knowing that my words have the power to transcend time and connect with others who may be fighting their own battles in the shadows.