The emotional turmoil that led me to those dark moments left deep scars on my

soul. The weight of despair and hopelessness was unbearable, consuming my

every thought. It manifested physically too, as my body became a battlefield for

the battle between life and death.

The first attempt, with the telephone cord around my neck, left a haunting

sensation. I could still feel the tightness, the suffocation that I longed for, but it

slipped away like a cruel joke. It was as if fate intervened, denying me the release

I sought.

In that house in Kansas, my desperate longing for escape drove me to swallow

those pills. The chemical cocktail coursed through my veins, numbing my

senses as I drifted into a prolonged unconsciousness. Yet, fate had other plans,

as I emerged from that coma-like state, bewildered and shaken, but undeniably

alive.

And then there was that night, drowning my sorrows in the burning liquid of a

quart of whiskey. Liquid courage, they call it, but for me, it was an attempt to

silence the pain. Yet, even in my inebriated state, fate intervened once more,

saving me from the self-destructive path I had chosen.

Looking back now, I realize that these failed attempts were not just mere

accidents. They were wake-up calls, reminders that life had a purpose for me, a

reason to exist beyond the depths of my despair. It is a realization that has

gradually taken hold, shaping my belief that suicide is indeed a form of self-

inflicted murder.

I have come to understand that life, however challenging and painful, is a

precious gift. It is a chance to grow, to learn, and to make a positive impact on

the world around us. Each day is an opportunity to find meaning, to connect with

others, and to discover the purpose that fate has bestowed upon us.

Though my journey has been marred by the darkness of suicidal thoughts, I now

hold onto a glimmer of hope. I believe that I am meant to be here for a reason, to

share my experiences, and to lend a helping hand to those who may be

struggling. Life is a fragile yet resilient thread, and I am determined to honor it by

spreading compassion, understanding, and the belief that there is always light at

the end of the tunnel.